Lost Memories: A Lesbian Romance Read online

  Ryan took a bite and nodded in agreement. “I have a feeling I will be spending a lot of my free time at this place.”

  After lunch they walked back to Beth’s car. “So did you get everything you wanted?”

  “I did, but I am definitely going to be coming back here for fresh fish so I can make my fisherman stew.” Ryan admitted licking her lips.

  “You can make cioppino?” Beth asked touching Ryan’s arm.

  “Yep. A friend of mine is a chef in New York and she gave me her recipe.” Ryan turned in her seat. “Would you be interested in trying it sometime?”

  “Are you kidding? Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there,” Beth said smiling.

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” Ryan wore a wide smile knowing she would have to make that dish soon.

  As they pulled up to the apartment, they both grabbed their bags from the trunk.

  “Thanks for taking me there today, Beth.”

  “I haven’t been in a while.” Beth shrugged. “I had a good time,” she said wearing a wide smile.

  Ryan turned to walk toward her building. “Have a good day, Beth.

  “Ryan.” Beth called out and Ryan turned toward her. “Would you like to watch a movie tonight with me?”

  The smile opened on Ryan’s face. “Sure. Would you like me to bring over a movie?”

  “No. We can order something on line.” Beth closed her trunk. “See you at seven.”

  “See you then.” Ryan walked away wearing a smile that she couldn’t contain. She knew Beth only wanted to be her friend, but she could live with that. Right?

  At seven o’clock that evening, Ryan was walking to the building next door. In her hands she carried a container with fresh vegetables and homemade dip.

  “Hey,” Beth said when she opened the door. “What have you got there?”

  “Vegetables and dip. I figured it would be better for us then salty snacks.”

  “Are you trying to be a good influence on me, Ryan?” Beth’s smile was welcoming.

  “It’s your body, Beth.” Her shrug was casual as she glanced down Beth’s body. She always loved her body. Beth full breast fit her small frame and Ryan remembered holding that body against hers. She shook that image out of her head. “You have a nice place here. It’s a newer building then mine is.”

  “I was in your building first, but after this one had been renovated, I moved next door.” Beth walked toward the kitchen. “What do you want to drink, Ryan?”

  Ryan was laying out the containers on the coffee table. “Water, please.”

  Beth came back in with Ryan’s water and a beer for herself.

  Ryan chuckled. “Beer and vegetables. What a combination.”

  “Hey, I could have brought out the potato chips too. Sit down and let’s choose a movie.”

  ****

  Beth wasn’t in her office Monday morning for long when Rachel came in through the door. “Good morning, Rachel.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that you and Ryan were spending Saturday together?” Rachel’s voice was accusing.

  Beth stared at her not knowing what to say. “Have a seat, Rachel before you blow your top.”

  “Were you afraid I might invite myself?”

  “Ryan wanted me to show her where the farmer’s markets were.”

  “I could have done that.” Rachel huffed. “What’s going on with you two?”

  Beth laughed. “We’re friends.”

  “Friends?” Rachel grumbled.

  “Yes, friends.”

  “I thought you couldn’t even remember her?”

  “I can’t, but Ryan remembers.” Beth insisted.

  “Are you interested in her?”

  Beth laughed. “You know I’m straight.”

  “Maybe now, but I think you were more than friends all those years ago,” Rachel said staring down at Beth.

  Beth laughed again. “I think I would remember if I was gay.” Right? She asked herself again. “You have nothing to worry about, Rachel.”

  Rachel blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, Liz, but when I saw you two together on Saturday.”

  “Why didn’t you come over to us?”

  “Because you were leaving the market as I was just getting there.”

  “Excuse me, Rachel, but didn’t Ryan tell you she wasn’t interested in dating?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But you still think you can change her mind, right?” Beth asked lowering her voice.

  “Yeah,” Rachel said again as she took a seat.

  “Suppose she just wants to be your friend. Are you going to be alright with that?”

  “I have enough friends, Liz. I want to date her.” Rachel admitted.

  “Then maybe you should wait until Ryan is ready to get back into the dating scene.”

  “Did she have a bad breakup or something in New York?”

  “I don’t know. She hasn’t said anything to me.”

  “I’ll go to dinner with her with no expectations of turning it into a date. I’ll leave it up to her.”

  “I think that is a very wise decision. Who knows maybe once you go to dinner, you won’t have any interest.” Beth added trying to make Rachel feel better.

  Rachel tilted her head. “Have you looked at her? You don’t see her the way I do.” Rachel grinned. “She’s a beautiful lesbian with a banging body. Who wouldn’t want to date that?”

  “You’re a pig, Rachel,” Beth said shaking her finger.

  “That’s because you don’t see her the way I do.”

  “Maybe not, but you’re still a pig.” Beth laughed. “I have work to do, Rachel.” She pointed with her finger toward the door.

  Rachel stood up. “Okay, I can take a hint.”

  After Rachel left, Beth wondered if she did see Ryan differently. Yes she could admit, Ryan was beautiful and she had a fit body. She didn’t see her as a sexual being. Just that Ryan was her friend. A friend from a long time ago, but no memory of that time.

  ****

  Ryan and her team began brainstorming for a new project. “You got some sun this weekend,” Hanna pointed out.

  “Yeah, I went to a farmer’s market. It was a beautiful day,” Ryan said with a smile.

  “It had to be more than the market for that smile.” Steve laughed. “Who is she?”

  She had been forthcoming when she met her team and told them she was gay. Ryan rolled her eyes at Steve’s comment. “I was there with a friend.”

  “Whatever you say, boss.” Steve walked away.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  As Ryan walked into the restaurant she saw Rachel was already seated at the table. As she approached, Rachel stood up smiling.

  “Hi,” Ryan said softly.

  “Hi, yourself.” Rachel leaned in close giving Ryan a soft hug and a kiss on the cheek. When she moved away, Rachel grabbed the necklace that had escaped from Ryan’s top. “This is beautiful,” she said before Ryan moved away.

  “Thanks.”

  “An old love?” Rachel asked pointing at the now hidden hearts.

  “It was a long time ago.” Ryan added hoping that would be the end of Rachel’s questions.

  “You still wear it so it must mean something to you.” Rachel grinned.

  “You look nice, Rachel,” Ryan said ignoring Rachel’s question. “I feel underdressed.” Rachel had on a black cocktail dress and heels where Ryan had on a tan pair of slacks and a button down blue cotton shirt.

  “Thank you and you look great.” Very fine. “So I guess you aren’t going to tell me about the necklace?”

  “Nothing to tell.” Ryan insisted as her eyes went to the cleavage exposed on Rachel’s plunging neckline.

  Rachel knew she couldn’t push Ryan, but she did see the initials BH on one of the hearts.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” The waitress asked.

  “I’ll have what she’s having,” Ryan said pointing to Rachel’s wine glass.

  “So you and Liz were at the farmer’s m
arket last week.” Rachel didn’t ask it as a question, just a statement to see what Ryan would say.

  Ryan looked up from the menu. “Did Beth tell you?”

  “No. I saw you two pulling out of the parking lot when I was pulling in.”

  Ryan nodded. “Beth was kind enough to give me a tour.” Her eyes went back to the menu.

  “So did you and Liz double date in high school?” Rachel put her finger on her chin as she stared at her. “Or did you know you were gay back then and never dated men?”

  Ryan sensed Rachel was jealous of the friendship she had with Beth. “I had a girlfriend in my senior year.”

  “Did she give you that necklace?” Rachel asked pressing Ryan harder.

  Ryan pressed the material where the hearts sat. “Yes,” she said before realizing the words had left her mouth.

  “You’re still in love with her.” Again Rachel posed this as a statement and not a question.

  Ryan didn’t bite this time and said. “It was a long time ago and it doesn’t matter.”

  Rachel knew she wasn’t going to get any other information out of her and changed the subject. “So how do you like working at Four Leaf?”

  “I love my job. My team is great and I couldn’t be any happier.” Well, I could be, but I’m not about to tell her.

  “So why aren’t you interested in dating right now?”

  “My job keeps me very busy and I don’t have the energy to do both justice. It wouldn’t be fair to someone.”

  “I’m sure they would understand that your job is important to you.”

  “You would think so, but that hasn’t been the case in the past. My girlfriends didn’t like coming second in my life. When I’m working on a project, I work a lot of hours and I forget about whoever I’m seeing at the time. It’s better if I just concentrate on my job for now.”

  “You sound like you’ve given up on your love life?” This time Rachel posed this as a question.

  Ryan chuckled. “For now, but not forever.

  “I would hope not. A girl has got to have some fun in her life.” Rachel laughed out loud wiggling her eyebrows.

  As they stepped out of the restaurant, Ryan put out her hand. “Thanks for having dinner with me, Rachel.”

  Rachel looked at the hand and chuckled. She moved in and hugged Ryan close. “The pleasure was all mine.” Her lips caressed Ryan’s face. “We should do this again,” she said before she moved away.

  Ryan needed to get away from this woman. It had been too long since she shared her bed with someone and the pull in her lower half wasn’t helping. “Good night, Rachel.” They both turned toward their vehicles.

  ****

  Beth watched from the window as Ryan parked her car and walked toward the building. “I guess Rachel lost the first round,” she said watching Ryan disappear into the building.

  Ryan dropped her keys on the table when she entered the apartment. She wanted to reach for the phone to see if Beth wanted to do something, but she went to take a shower instead. Lying in bed reading a book, she thought about her dinner with Rachel. Rachel had done nothing to change her mind about her. She found her pushy and intrusive. She also worried that Rachel might suspect that it was Beth who had given her the necklace. Ryan decided the best thing she could do was stay away from Rachel.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The weeks flew by with Ryan having no contact with Rachel except a wave in passing. Even her interaction with Beth had ceased. It was as if Beth was now avoiding her.

  Standing in the lunch line, someone tapped her shoulder. Ryan closed her eyes before turning around fearing that Rachel was standing behind her. When her eyes met Beth’s, she smiled. “Hey, stranger.”

  Beth giggled. “I guess we both have been busy.”

  “I wanted to call you so many times to see if you wanted to do something, but.” Ryan shrugged.

  “But what?” Beth asked resting her hand on Ryan’s arm.

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  Beth laughed. “If you were bothering me, I would tell you.”

  “You could have called me.”

  “You’re right, but I thought maybe you and Rachel were dating.”

  Ryan looked surprised. “No. Haven’t you talked to her since she and I had dinner together?”

  “No. I guess she’s avoiding me too.”

  “I’m not avoiding you, Beth. I would never do that.”

  They chose a table against the back wall.

  “You promised to make me your famous cioppino,” Beth said never noticing the woman approaching.

  “I’m not surprised to see you two huddled together,” Rachel said leaning over their table.

  Beth looked up. “Hello, Rachel. Where have you been hiding?” She winked at Ryan. “You haven’t stopped by to visit me lately.”

  Rachel stood up. “Yeah, my boss has been on my case about leaving my desk too much.”

  Beth laughed. “This is the first time I’ve seen Ryan in a few weeks too. Why don’t you join us?”

  “Can’t. Just stopped by for some coffee.” Rachel held up her cup. “It’s good to see you again, Ryan.”

  “You too,” Ryan said finally speaking since Rachel came over.

  “Well, I’ve got to run. See you Ryan and you too Beth Hale,” Rachel said looking at Ryan and winking.

  Ryan felt herself blush and looked down at her plate.

  “What was that about? She never calls me Beth.” Beth watched as Rachel left the cafeteria.

  Ryan got her emotions under control and just shrugged. “She’s your friend.” Her eyes found Beth’s. “How about Saturday night?”

  “Saturday night?” Beth asked narrowing her eyes.

  “Yeah, for cioppino.”

  “Yes. Can I help you make dinner so I can see how it’s made?” Beth asked excited.

  “Sure. How about you come to my apartment at five and we’ll cook together?”

  “Can’t wait.” Beth and Ryan picked up their empty trays and left the cafeteria. “See you Saturday.”

  “See you, Beth.” Ryan walked back to her office wondering about Rachel’s comment. The way Rachel said Beth Hale made her suspect that Rachel had read the initials on the heart and it was her way of letting Ryan know that fact. Ryan realized she needed to be very careful around Rachel because this situation could end badly.

  ****

  Ryan was getting everything out of the refrigerator when Beth knocked on the door.

  “Hi, Beth. Come on in.”

  “Hi,” Beth said taking off her jacket. “I brought my apron.” She removed the old fashion apron and put it on.

  “Where did you get that thing?” Ryan asked looking at the cotton lace edging that ran along the outer edge.

  “From my grandmother. She made this,” Beth said with her hand on her hip.

  “Sorry. It’s cute,” Ryan said holding back her laughter. “Can you chop up vegetables?”

  “Of course I can.” Beth followed Ryan into the tiny kitchen.

  “Okay,” Ryan said handing her an onion, garlic, tomatoes. “Dice the onion and tomatoes and chop the garlic fine.”

  “Yes, chef,” Beth said with a smile.

  Ryan watched as Beth expertly diced the vegetables with speed and accuracy. “You can be my sous chef anytime,” Ryan said over Beth’s shoulder.

  Beth giggled and went back to work. The kitchen was small and the two women bumped into each other more than once as continued with their task.

  Ryan cleaned the shrimp, mussels and clams for their meal. The lobster was already cooked and chopped to be added to the dish. She had made her own seafood broth from the lobster shells and the shrimp shells she had in the freezer. The vegetables were added to the pan to sauté.

  “What can I do now?” Beth asked excited to be cooking.

  “How about you sauté the shrimp and scallops and I’ll continue on the broth. Once the fish is done, put it in that bowl for now.”

  The two women stood side by
side working over their own pans as they finished the stew together.

  “Fish is all done,” Beth said proudly. “Now what do we do.”

  “Let’s dish it up.” Ryan reached for two large bowls adding fish to each bowl and then added the broth on top. “There’s garlic bread in the oven. Can you take it out and put it in the basket?” Ryan carried the bowls to the table.

  Beth added the bread, poured the wine and they both tasted the meal.

  “This is absolutely magnificent, Ryan. I haven’t tasted a cioppino this good since I went to San Francisco a few years ago.” Beth dipped her bread into the broth and brought it to her lips.

  Ryan was in awe of the moans coming from Beth’s mouth as she ate the fish stew. She knew she was going to have to come up with a few more recipes that would make Beth react the same way.

  “I can’t thank you enough for inviting me tonight.”

  “This is a dish that is better shared with someone then eaten alone.” Ryan’s hand came out to touch Beth before she quickly pulled it back. “Thanks for helping me make it.”

  Beth watched Ryan’s hand retreat. “Ryan, you don’t have to worry.”

  “Worry about what?”

  “About touching me. I’m sure you’re afraid that if you touch me I will think you’re flirting.”

  “I’ve always been a touchy feely person.” Ryan admitted with her eyes averted.

  “Then don’t worry about offending me with your touches.” Beth smiled and touched Ryan’s arm. “I was always the same way too.”

  Ryan nodded. “I remember,” she said without thought.

  “I try to control myself now because it might offend some people.” Beth rubbed her hand across Ryan’s arm before she removed it. “I wish I could remember you. Can’t you tell me anything that might trigger my memory?”

  “I have pictures,” Ryan said picking up their empty bowls. “Let’s go into the living room.” She reached into the cabinet for all the photos she and Beth had taken over the junior and senior year of High School. Ryan hadn’t seen these photos in years.

  Beth sat on the sofa and Ryan sat next to her. The album extended across both their laps. “Are you ready to laugh?” Ryan asked as she opened the first page.

  Beth leaned forward. “Oh, look how young we were.” She tilted the book upward to stare at the two girls smiling at the camera. “We looked happy,” Beth said running her finger over the picture. “I guess we really were friends.”