Lost Memories: A Lesbian Romance Read online

  LOST MEMORIES

  BY

  LYDIA ROSE

  FOR LINDA ALWAYS

  CHAPTER ONE

  The party was in full swing as Ryan Allen stared out at the New York skyline. Her reflection in the glass showed she needed to get her shoulder length blond hair cut soon. The green eyes seemed hollow and Ryan usually had dark circles under her eyes from restless sleeping. She remembered her first day with Zoomer Software with a smile. It was the first job after graduating from New York University and now she was moving on. In a city that held millions of people, she still felt alone. Ryan wondered if she would miss the hustle and bustle because the cold of the concrete and glass matched what was in her heart. The computer software company where Ryan worked was purchased by a large software company on the west coast and her co-workers would be enjoying the profits. Most of the staff had been offered a position in California, but Ryan was one of the few employees who accepted a position.

  She was now be leaving Zoomer with a large sum of money in her bank account and a team leader position at Four Leaf Software. The twenty six year old hoped the change of scenery would add some color to her colorless life.

  Her life had turned to black and white when she was eighteen years old and it remained that way ever since. The women who came in and out of Ryan’s life did nothing to change her mood. Ryan used them as a distraction, but they did little to add to her happiness.

  Ryan’s mother cried when she told her she was moving to California.

  “Ryan, are you sure you want to do this?” Helen Allen asking clutching Ryan’s arm.

  “Mom, this is a great opportunity for me.”

  “This is all because of Elizabeth Hale.” Helen wiped her eyes. “You’ve been running since the accident. You have to move on with your life, but running to the other side of the country is not the answer.”

  “Mom, I’m not running. I have been offered a great job, great pay and stock options to a company anyone would give their right arm to work for. This has nothing to do with Beth.”

  “You have to get over her, Ryan. You need to settle down with someone and stop running.”

  Ryan rolled her eyes. When her mother got like this, there was no arguing. “Mom, I’d love to settle down with the right girl, but so far I haven’t found her.”

  “You always find something wrong with each and every one of them.” Her mother sighed. “Ryan, your dad and I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone.” Helen sat down with a thud. “Promise me, you will come back and visit us.”

  “I will, mom. You know, you can always visit me when you want to.” Ryan put her arm around her mother. “I love you, mom.”

  “I love you too, Ryan.”

  ****

  That was weeks ago and Ryan was now walking into the building of her new employer. She smiled as she watched people rushing around with computer tablets in their hands. In her heart, Ryan felt like she was finally home. She continued walking and glanced up at the people moving across the overhead bridge that tied one side of the building to the next. Ryan stumbled as she as she caught sight of her. “Beth.” She whispered to herself. Beth was talking to a woman standing next to her and oblivious to Ryan’s presence. Her dark hair was shorter than it had been in high school and now just touched her collar. As the petite frame stepped out of site, Ryan remembered.

  “Beth, what’s wrong?” Beth told Ryan to meet her in the park near the forest.

  “Nothing is wrong, Ryan. I just wanted to tell you something.”

  “Okay. What is it?” Ryan asked losing patience as they walked further into the forest.

  “I’ve wanted to tell you and now I’m afraid that if I do, you won’t be my friend anymore.” Beth turned her back to Ryan.

  “Beth, there is nothing that you could tell me that would change our friendship.”

  Beth lowered her head and whispered. “I love you, Ryan.”

  “Oh, Beth. I love you too,” Ryan said with a smile.

  “No, Ryan. I mean I’m in love with you.”

  Ryan could not believe what she was hearing and she stumbled back against a tree.

  Beth spun around to see the stunned look on Ryan’s face. “Oh my god, you hate me, don’t you?” She turned again and buried her face in her hands.

  Ryan stood up and put her hand on Beth’s shoulder. “Turn around, Beth.”

  “No,” Beth said quickly.

  “Honey, please turn around.”

  As Beth heard the term of endearment, she turned around.

  Ryan raised Beth’s chin so their eyes met. “I am in love with you too. I’ve been in love with you for years.” Her smile lit up.

  “You have?” Beth asked as Ryan nodded and then Beth thumped her arm.

  “What did you do that for?” Ryan asked rubbing her arm.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been going crazy and here you feel the same way.” Beth giggled. “You could have saved us both a lot of heartache.”

  Ryan ignored Beth’s rant and pressed her lips gently onto Beth’s mouth. The kiss was chaste and easy until Beth grabbed Ryan’s neck and pressed her body against the shocked woman. The kisses deepened instantly and tongues danced across each other’s mouth. When they finally broke apart, they both giggled.

  “I can’t believe I just kissed Beth Hale.” Ryan shouted out to the trees.

  Beth put her arm through Ryan’s. “I plan on kissing you a lot now.”

  “You will hear no complaints from me,” Ryan said with a smile. “You might have a problem keeping my lips off yours.”

  Someone bumped into Ryan causing her to end her daydreaming. “Sorry,” the kid said.

  “My fault,” Ryan said. “Can you tell me how to get to Mr. Harris’ office?”

  “Are you Ryan Allen?” The young man asked.

  “Yes, I am.” Ryan’s hand came out in greeting.

  “I’m Steve Wright. I’ll be part of your team. Let me show you to Kevin’s office.”

  “Thanks. Everyone seems so happy here,” Ryan said as they walked toward the stairs. There were no elevators in the massive building. Everyone was encouraged to walk or ride a bike at this facility.

  “You couldn’t ask for a better place to work.” Steve bounced up the large staircase.

  “How long have you been here?” Ryan asked Steve.

  “Since I was a senior in high school. I was just an intern then, but I learned a lot. Now I go to college in the afternoons and work here in the morning.”

  “How many other team members do we have?”

  “Three others. Alice, Warren and Hanna.” Steve looked at Ryan out of the corner of his eye. “You developed some cool games back in New York. They are some of my favorites.”

  “Thanks, Steve, but it was a team effort.” Ryan knew she was going to love working here. Then Beth popped into head. How was she ever going to concentrate on work knowing Beth was here?

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ryan had been with Four Leaf for a month now. Her team was young and energetic. They were always ready to listen to Ryan’s ideas and help her make those ideas into an actual product. Ryan gave her team a break and while they munched on snacks she asked. “Does anyone know Beth Hale?”

  The team looked at her before Hanna asked. “Do you mean Elizabeth Hale?”

  Ryan grinned. “Yes, Elizabeth Hale.”

  “I know she works in marketing. I don’t know her personally, but she’s good friends with Rachel Learner.” Hanna narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

  “I thought I saw her the first day I was here. We went to school together back in New Jersey.”

  “I could show you where her office is if you want?” Hanna offered.

 
; “No, but thanks. I haven’t seen her since I was eighteen years old.” Ryan shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter.” She clapped her hands. “Okay, let’s get back to work.” It did matter to Ryan’s heart because she knew Beth would not know who she was.

  ****

  At the end of the long day, Ryan walked out of the building and walked right into someone. “I’m sorry,” Ryan said holding onto the startled woman. “Are you okay?” The woman turned and Ryan’s jaw dropped. “Beth.” She whispered as if it was a prayer.

  Elizabeth Hale laughed. “No one ever calls me Beth.”

  One person did. “I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m Ryan Allen.” Knowing she didn’t from the look on her face.

  Elizabeth studied her face looking for some recollection of who this woman was. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t remember you.” The two women moved to the side to let other’s pass. “How do you know me?”

  Ryan had to watch as Beth told her again that she didn’t remember her. “I used to live next door to you back in New Jersey. We went to school together.”

  “I’m sorry. I had a head injury and have forgotten a lot of things. I have relatives that I didn’t even know,” Elizabeth said with a chuckle.

  “I know,” Ryan said softly. “I visited you in the hospital and you didn’t remember me then either.” She looked at Elizabeth. “I thought maybe some things had come back to you.”

  Elizabeth shook her head.

  “Well, it was good to see you again, Beth.” Ryan turned and walked away.

  As Ryan got to her car, she was breathing deeply. She almost couldn’t hold back the tears as Beth told her again she didn’t remember her. Some small part of Ryan hoped that Beth would have gotten some of her memory back and she would no longer be a stranger to her. Everything changed that day. Beth was rushing down the school stairs and fell. She hit her head and when she awakened in the hospital Ryan’s world fell apart. Ryan hoped as the weeks went on that Beth would regain all of her memories, but it never happened. Beth didn’t even come to her graduation ceremony. Her parents moved the family back to Connecticut after the accident to be closer to the rest of the family, but Ryan knew the real reason. Beth’s mother wanted the two girls separated. Ryan barely made it through that summer and it wasn’t until she began college did she feel she could breathe again. School kept her occupied and casual sex took her mind off Beth for long periods at a time, but it was never long enough before she possessed Ryan’s thoughts.

  ****

  That was weird, Elizabeth thought as she walked to her car. To meet someone out of her past again and have no recollection. Unfortunately, it happened more times than Elizabeth wanted to remember. Ryan stared at her as she told her they were neighbors and went to school together. Elizabeth tried to remember this woman, but no memories came. Even when Ryan said she came to the hospital to see her, Elizabeth didn’t even remember that encounter.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Ryan sat in the park near her house with her Kindle when she heard her name being called.

  “Ryan,” Elizabeth said as she approached.

  “Hi, Beth.” Ryan motioned for her to have a seat on the bench with her.

  “Do you live near here?” Elizabeth asked.

  Ryan pointed over her shoulder. “In those apartments.”

  Elizabeth glanced at the building. “I’m in the one next door to your building.” She chuckled. “I guess we are destined to be neighbors.” Elizabeth glanced in the trees and back to Ryan’s face as an image passed through her mind.

  “Are you okay, Beth?” Ryan asked seeing the pale look on her face.

  Elizabeth shook her head removing the image from her mind. “I’m fine, Ryan.”

  “You looked like someone just walked over your grave,” Ryan said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, it felt like that for a moment.” Elizabeth stood up. “I won’t keep you from your book.”

  “Beth, you don’t have to rush off or we could go grab something to eat.” Ryan looked at her watch. “It’s nearly lunchtime.” What are you doing?

  There was something in the way Ryan called her Beth that seemed so familiar. It was if that memory was so close, but she couldn’t remove the cobwebs that covered those memories. “Sure. I’d like that.”

  They walked across the park to a nearby café. “They make fantastic sandwiches here,” Elizabeth said as she sat down.

  After their order was placed, Ryan asked. “So how are your parents and Ann doing?”

  “My parents are good. Ann is married and has a son.” Elizabeth grinned. “The time just moves so quickly.” She looked up at Ryan. “So how do you like working at Four Leaf?”

  “I love it as much as the company I was before.” Ryan grinned. “The weather seems to be better than the east coast.”

  “Were you still in New Jersey?” Elizabeth asked.

  “No. I was in New York. Zoomer was bought by Four Leaf and they offered me a job.”

  “What department are you in?” Elizabeth asked leaning forward.

  “Research and Development. I understand you are in the marketing department.”

  Elizabeth was surprised that Ryan knew about her. She had obviously asked about her and she wondered why Ryan was so interested. “Yes, I’ve been here for three years now.”

  “Do you like marketing?” Ryan asked softly.

  “I love it. I love to take the products your department creates and sell it to the masses.”

  Ryan watched as the excitement that showed on Elizabeth’s face. She smiled automatically seeing the pleasure on her face. “I’m glad you’re happy, Beth.”

  “Did anyone else call me Beth?” Elizabeth asked not remembering too much about her friends in school.

  Ryan nodded. “No. It was just me. Everyone else called you Liz or Lizzie.” She chuckled. “Of course, the teachers called you Elizabeth.

  “So why did you or do you call me Beth?”

  “I don’t know.” Ryan’s shoulders rose. “I always did. If you want me to stop, I will.”

  “No.” Elizabeth smiled. “From you it seems natural for some reason.”

  “I don’t know many people here. Maybe you and I could be friends again?” Ryan asked shyly. You are looking for trouble.

  “Were we good friends?” Beth asked sensing something in Ryan’s stare.

  Ryan’s head went up and down. “Very good friends.” She couldn’t tell this woman that they had been lovers the entire senior year of school. No one else existed outside loving each other. They had made so many plans and then it was all taken away in an instant.

  Elizabeth stuck out her hand. “Friends.”

  Ryan grinned and took her hand. “Always.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ryan spent the next several months working on the new game the team developed. They spent long hours in the lab writing codes and developing the game to the final stages. Ryan only caught glimpses of Beth as she went for a snack, but that was the only contact they had with each other. She was working alone one evening having sent the team home for night when a knock on her door startled her.

  “Come in.” Ryan called through the door.

  The door opened and Beth poked her head inside. “Hi. I guess we’re both working late tonight.”

  Ryan nodded. “I just have a few things to finish before I go home.” Beth was still standing in the open doorway. “Do you want to come in?”

  “I just wanted to know if you weren’t doing anything Saturday night if you wanted to go to dinner.”

  Ryan smiled. “Sure.”

  “Any place special you would like to go to?” Beth asked smiling.

  “It’s your town, Beth. How about you pick?”

  “Okay. How about I meet you at seven?”

  “Sure.”

  “What’s your apartment number?”

  “421.”

  Beth stood up. “Okay, I’ll see you Saturday night.”

  Ryan knew she wasn’t going to be able to concentrat
e the rest of the evening and saved her work. Beth inviting her to dinner was not only a surprise, but a shock. When she had asked Beth if they could be friends again, she doubted Beth’s sincerity when she said yes. Shopping was now on Ryan’s list for Saturday morning.

  ****

  Ryan didn’t have Beth’s number to call her to see where they would be going for dinner. Instead she decided she would look for something other than jeans and a shirt. Ryan settled on a pair of black dress slacks, a teal button down blouse and black boots. It was dressy enough for a nice restaurant, but wouldn’t appear that she tried too hard to impress Beth.

  Ryan stood in the mirror looking at her reflection. She left the first two buttons open on the blouse showing the gold necklace with the two hearts visible. The necklace had been a gift from Beth and even though she knew Beth wouldn’t remember, she wore it anyway.

  The knock on the door forced Ryan away from the mirror. “Hi,” she said opening the door.

  Beth smiled as her eyes traveled over Ryan’s outfit. “Hi.”

  Beth was wearing a similar outfit except her pants were navy blue and she wore a light sweater under her jacket. Ryan put on her black blazer before they walked out to the street.

  “I hope I’m dressed okay for where we are going?” Ryan asked as they walked toward Beth’s car.

  “It’s perfect,” Beth said as they climbed into the car.

  “I was going to call you, but I don’t have your phone number.”

  Beth pulled out her cellphone. “Put your number in here and let me have your phone.”

  They both shared their contact information and drove to the restaurant.

  Seated at a table, they picked up their menus.

  “So are you dating anyone?” Beth asked without taking her eyes off the menu.

  “No.” Ryan responded. “Haven’t really had the time to pursue a relationship since moving out here.” She looked up from the menu. “How about you?”

  “It’s been six months since Dave and I broke up.”

  “How long were you two together?” Ryan asked wondering if Beth only dated men now.

  “We were together for a year. He wanted to move the relationship to the next step, but I wasn’t ready for that.” Beth shrugged. “I wasn’t in love with him. We got along great, but.” Beth sighed. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know why I didn’t feel as much as he did.”