Lost Memories: A Lesbian Romance Read online

  Ryan nodded in understanding, but she knew why Beth didn’t feel enough in her relationship. Beth was searching for something that she’d never find in the arms of a man. “I know what you mean. I haven’t met anyone that could capture my heart.” Ryan let out a breath. “I only felt that way once.”

  “So what happened?” Beth asked leaning forward.

  Ryan shrugged. “Sometimes things aren’t meant to work out.”

  Beth watched as Ryan’s eyes showed sorrow behind a forced smile. “It looks like you’re still in love with him when you speak.”

  Ryan grinned. It was time to tell her old friend. “Her,” she said softly.

  It was just at that moment the waitress came to take their order.

  When they were alone again, Ryan asked. “I hope I didn’t shock you?”

  “No. Not at all. I have a lot of gay friends at Four Leaf.” Beth grinned. “I just didn’t think. I mean you don’t look.” Beth covered her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m being an ass.”

  “That’s okay, Beth. I understand what you’re trying to say.” Ryan didn’t scream lesbian when you looked at her. Beth had called her sporty. She wasn’t butch, but she didn’t scream lipstick lesbian either. Beth had always been very feminine in her appearance. She wore makeup to perfection and when she wore a dress, it drove Ryan crazy with desire.

  “So this woman broke your heart?” Beth asked softly.

  Ryan nodded and answered without filtering herself. “In a million pieces, but there was nothing I could do about it.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever be able to move on from that relationship?” Beth asked interested in helping her new friend.

  Ryan smirked. “I have no choice.”

  “I could introduce you to some of the women I know.”

  Ryan grinned. “I’m too busy right now with this project.”

  “You came out with me tonight.” Beth giggled.

  “A relationship takes work and I just don’t have the energy for that right now,” Ryan said using that as an excuse she had used many times in the past.

  The waitress delivered their meals. “Can I get you anything else?”

  The two women looked at each other. “No. I think we’re fine for now.” Beth answered.

  While they ate their meal, the women discussed Four Leaf. Beth now caught a glimpse of Ryan’s necklace.

  “That’s a beautiful necklace,” Beth said pointing with her fork.

  “Thanks. It was a gift.”

  “From the girl?”

  “Yes.” Ryan answered softly. “I like it too much to get rid of it.”

  “It looks like she loved you too, Ryan. The twin hearts signifies love. Right?”

  Ryan nodded. “Yes, she loved me too.”

  “Does she still live in New Jersey?” Beth didn’t know why she was so interested in finding out about this woman, but she couldn’t stop asking questions.

  “No. She’s in California.”

  “Is that why you moved here?”

  “I didn’t know she was out here when I accepted the job.” Ryan answered honestly.

  “Have you seen her?” Beth asked still probing.

  “It doesn’t matter, Beth. Nothing has changed and it never will.” Ryan hoped this would put an end to Beth’s questions.

  “I’m sorry, Ryan. I really am.” Beth looked at the woman sitting across from her and wondered what could have happened in Ryan’s relationship to cause them to break up. Ryan obviously loved this woman very much and probably would the rest of her life. She wished that she felt that strongly for someone, anyone.

  They split the bill when it came in order to avoid an argument. Beth parked her car when they returned to the apartment buildings and stood awkwardly next to the car. Ryan didn’t want the night to end and it appeared Beth didn’t either.

  “Would you like to come up and watch a movie or something?” Ryan asked quickly.

  “It is kind of early. Sure.” Beth smiled as she followed Ryan to her building suddenly feeling nervous.

  Ryan dropped her keys on the table next to the door and reached for Beth’s coat. She hung both jackets in the closet and led Beth to her collection of DVD’s. “Pick what you want, Beth.”

  Beth chuckled as she went through the collection. “I see you’re a sucker for romance.”

  “Guilty,” Ryan said with a laugh.

  “How come you don’t have any video games?” Beth asked not seeing a machine or games.

  “That’s my job, but it doesn’t mean I want to play games on my own time. I play to test out a game, but that’s about it. I would appreciate it if that wasn’t spread around Four Leaf?”

  Beth laughed. “Your secret is safe with me.”

  The women settled on a romantic comedy and sat on the floor with a bowl of popcorn between them. Beth had never seen the film they were watching and her laugh sent chills through Ryan’s body. As the film came to an end, Ryan got up on her knees and was about to pick up the empty popcorn bowl when Beth reached out for her necklace. Her fingers rubbed along the hearts as she stared at the surface. One heart had BH and the other RA. Beth was about to turn over the heart when Ryan pulled away. If Beth had read the inscription, she would have seen. Forever yours, Love Beth. Ryan would have no way to explain that inscription to Beth and she knew she’d ultimately lose her friendship.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy.” Beth offered as Ryan stood up.

  “That’s okay.” Ryan carried the bowl to the kitchen.

  “I guess I should be going. Thanks for the movie and going to dinner with me,” Beth said putting on the jacket Ryan handed to her.

  “I enjoyed myself, Beth. I hope we can do it again.”

  “I’d love to, Ryan. I enjoy your company. I can see why we were once close friends.”

  If only you remembered. Ryan opened the door. “Would you like me to walk you home?”

  Beth smiled. “That’s sweet, Ryan, but I think I can make it on my own. I’ll text you when I get home.”

  “Thanks. Good night.”

  “Good night, Ryan.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Ryan walked into the cafeteria at lunchtime and got in line with her co-workers. As she stood in line, someone tapped her on the shoulder.

  “Hey.” The voice called.

  “Hey, Beth. Are you following me?” Ryan asked with a laugh.

  “I guess our stomachs are on the same wavelength.” Beth turned as someone called her name from a nearby table. “Hi, Rachel.”

  “Sit with us and bring your friend with you,” Rachel said seeing that Beth knew the woman standing with her.

  “Okay.” Beth answered. “Unless you don’t want to sit with us?” She asked Ryan.

  “I don’t mind,” she said with a shrug.

  They carried their trays over to the table and Beth made the introductions. “Ryan, this is Rachel and Robin.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Ryan,” Rachel said sticking out her hand.

  “I’m happy to meet both of you.” Ryan answered.

  “What department do you work in?” Robin asked.

  “Research and Development.” Ryan answered. She picked up her fork, but now Rachel began with questions.

  “Games?” Rachel asked.

  Ryan nodded putting a fork full of food into the mouth.

  “I’ve seen you around.” Rachel continued. Her gaydar was working and she leaned over toward Ryan’s ear. “I’m gay too,” she said as her lips barely touched Ryan’s ear.

  “Good to know,” Ryan said with a giggle. “Do you work in Beth’s department?”

  “Beth, huh?” Rachel asked raising an eyebrow.

  Ryan shrugged.

  “So she calls you, Beth.” Rachel looked at Elizabeth. “We all call her Liz.”

  “We grew up together.” Beth offered to Rachel. “It seems Ryan always called me that, but I don’t remember.”

  “You don’t remember?” Robin asked not understanding.

  �
��I had a head injury in my senior year and lost part of my memory. I don’t remember Ryan.”

  “You see what a good impression I made on her that she can’t remember me,” Ryan said with a laugh, but her heart ached every time she had to say those words. “We had known each other since the fifth grade and then she forgets me in our senior year.”

  Rachel looked at Ryan and then back at Beth wondering if these two had been more than friends. “Well, I would never forget you. You’re a beautiful woman.” Her hand touched Ryan.

  “Uh, thanks,” Ryan said feeling herself blush. She went back to eating her lunch.

  “Liz, Kevin Harris asked me if you were seeing anyone.” Robin offered to the quiet.

  “I hope you didn’t tell him I was interested in him?” Beth asked quickly.

  “I told him I thought you were seeing someone,” Robin said with a grin.

  “Thank you. He’s the last person I need bugging me,” Beth said with her hand over her heart.

  “He’s my boss,” Ryan offered. “He seemed like a nice guy.”

  “He’s a pig,” Rachel said quickly.

  The four women finished their lunch and now carried their trays toward the garbage cans.

  “Maybe we can go out for coffee sometime,” Rachel said standing close to Ryan.

  “Uh, sure.” Ryan answered feeling trapped.

  “Does Liz have your number?” She asked looking at Ryan.

  Ryan nodded. “Yes.”

  “Okay. I have a meeting to go to. It was wonderful to meet you.”

  “You too and you Robin.”

  The two women ran off and Beth began to giggle. “You sure made an impression on her.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Ryan’s smirk said it all.

  “Why didn’t you tell her you weren’t interested?”

  “How do you know I’m not interested?” Ryan asked surprised.

  Beth shrugged. “Uh, maybe it was the look on your face.”

  Beth’s giggle squeezed Ryan’s heart. “Well, I didn’t want to be rude. She is your friend.”

  Beth was still laughing. “She’s very nice and she thinks you’re beautiful. Give her a chance.”

  “She’s not really my type.”

  “Oh, what is your type?”

  “I don’t know, but she’s not it.”

  “So you aren’t into women who wear short skirts and high heels?”

  Ryan shrugged. She couldn’t tell Beth that her friend were like all the other women she had dated in the past. Good for fun, but nothing else. Ryan didn’t want to toy with Beth’s friend that way.

  “You should give Rachel a chance. I think you two would get along great.”

  What was Ryan supposed to say? You’re my type. Instead she said. “I have to get back to work, Beth.”

  “If you can’t talk to your friend about your potential love interest, who can you talk to?”

  Ryan growled. “Love interest? I don’t think so.”

  “Hey, you never know when the right woman is just around the corner,” Beth said enjoying Ryan’s squirming.

  “I’ll see you later,” Ryan said running off to her office.

  “Run, girl. Run,” Beth said laughing.

  ****

  Later that afternoon, Rachel came into Beth’s office. “Do you know how long I have been asking if anyone knew her?”

  “Her?” Beth teased.

  Rachel tilted her head and rolled her eyes. “You know who exactly I’m talking about.”

  Beth giggled. “You never asked me,” she said innocently.

  Rachel smiled. “So can I have her number?”

  “Maybe you aren’t her type?” Beth asked trying not to be rude.

  “Are you two dating?” Rachel asked leaning forward.

  Beth giggled. “Me? No.” Her face burning with embarrassment.

  “Well, you two did grow up together and you said you couldn’t remember her.”

  “Yes, but I think I would remember if I was gay.” Wouldn’t I?

  “I guess you’re right, but what makes you think I’m not her type? Did she say something to you after I left?”

  Beth shrugged.

  “Liz, tell me.”

  “She said you weren’t her type,” Beth said softly.

  “I still want her number. I’m sure I can change her mind.” Rachel held out her phone.

  Beth typed in Ryan’s information into Rachel’s phone. “Good luck,” she said when she handed back her phone.

  “I don’t need luck. One date with me and she won’t be interested in anyone else.” Rachel stood up. “Mark my words.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Ryan picked up her phone the following evening without looking at the screen. “Hello.”

  “Hi, Ryan. It’s Rachel. You know, Liz’s friend.”

  “Hi, Rachel.” Ryan answered already dreading answering the call. “How are you?” She asked to be polite.

  “I’m good. I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me on Saturday.” Rachel’s voice sounded sultry and soothing.

  “Ah,” Ryan said stupidly. “I mean, I’m supposed to be going out with some friends this weekend.”

  “I understand. How about the following Saturday?” Rachel asked not giving up.

  Ryan knew she would either have to be honest with Rachel or accept. She chose the chicken way out. “I’d like to have dinner as friends, Rachel. I really don’t have the time for a relationship right now.”

  “Friends is good, Ryan,” Rachel said thinking she could change Ryan’s mind once they went out. “I’ll pick you up then.”

  “How about we meet at the restaurant?”

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Hanover.” Ryan gave the restaurant that she and Beth had been to. She didn’t want to take the chance of Rachel suggesting a gay owned place.

  “Seven o’clock?”

  “Good. I’ll see you then.”

  “Good bye, Ryan.” Rachel disconnected the call.

  “Shit,” Ryan said to the empty apartment. Rachel certainly hadn’t wasted anytime calling, but at least she told her that she wasn’t interested in a relationship right now.

  ****

  Ryan stood looking through the glass of the cafeteria the next day checking to see if Rachel was in there. Seeing no sign of her, she moved to the doorway.

  “Looking for someone?” A voice asked behind her.

  Ryan jumped and turned. “Geez, you scared the crap out of me.”

  “Who were you looking for?” Beth chuckled. “Or who were you hoping would not be in there?”

  Ryan looked at her feet knowing she had been caught. “Rachel.”

  “Did she call you?” Beth asked still chuckling.

  “Yes,” Ryan said moaning. They moved in line toward the food.

  “I guess she asked you out?”

  “Yeah, but I told her just as friends. That I didn’t have time for a relationship.”

  “Why weren’t you just honest with her?” Beth asked as she took a plate of food.

  “She caught me off guard.” They picked an empty table and sat down together.

  “You were chicken to tell her, weren’t you?” Beth asked laughing out loud.

  “Would you stop laughing?”

  Beth covered her laugh with her hand while Ryan shook her head. “So when are you going out?”

  “A week from this Saturday. I told her I couldn’t make it this weekend.”

  “Another date?”

  “No. I told her I had plans with friends.” Ryan grinned. “Want to be my friend on Saturday?”

  “What did you have in mind?” Beth asked losing her smile.

  “I keep hearing about all the farmer’s markets around here, but I don’t know where they are.”

  “I know a great one. You can spend the entire day and there are plenty of food places to eat.”

  “So is that a yes?”

  “Since I don’t want it to be a lie you’ve told Rachel, I’d bette
r say yes.” Beth raised her eyebrows. “What makes you think I won’t tell her you lied?”

  “Because we’re better friends than you and her,” Ryan said with a grin.

  “Oh we are?”

  “Yes. We’ve been friends since we were ten years old.”

  Beth laughed. “Even though I have no recollection of that fact.”

  “Trust me when I tell you we were.” Ryan stared into the dark blue eyes trying to convey how much they meant to each other.

  Beth smiled. “Somehow I can believe we were. You are just the type of girl I would have been friends with.”

  “Told you,” Ryan said grinning.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Saturday morning, Ryan and Beth drove to the promised farmer’s market. Ryan was impressed with the size of the event and looked around smiling. There was everything from fruits, vegetables, jams, breads and even fresh fish. The crowds moved along the aisles making their purchases.

  “This is perfect, Beth. I haven’t been to anything like this since leaving New York.”

  “This is California,” Beth said with a laugh. “We are known for our fresh organic foods.”

  The two women spent the next two hours going from booth to booth buying food for the week.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.” Beth admitted shifting her bags that she carried.

  “I am too.”

  They walked over to the food section. “How about you choose what you want and I’ll get my lunch. We can meet at one of the tables.” Beth suggested.

  Ryan nodded and walked around trying to decide what she wanted. As her food was being prepared, she saw Beth sitting at a table in the shade.

  “I guess you knew exactly what you wanted?” Ryan asked with a laugh as she sat down.

  “I always get a hamburger. That truck makes the best and look how thin the fries are.” Beth licked her lips. “Just the best,” she said as she popped a fry into her mouth.

  Ryan sat down with her Korean sandwich and tore into the wrapper.

  “They make great sandwiches too.” Beth pointed toward Ryan’s sandwich.